Dear friend, I will see you again

A letter to Newton

A great day
Another one of our great days.

Yesterday I sat with you, holding you as you took your last breath and went over the rainbow bridge. Your tail still wagging as we told you over and over what a great boy you were. Forever thanking you as you’ve done your job better then we ever could have imagined. You exceeded our expectations, you showed us what real and pure love feels like. A love without judgement, a love without anger or any of the petty selfish emotions we humans dwell on. To lose you so soon, is completely unfair.

I can still remember bringing you home a little over 2 years ago. You were so full of life, giant paws and soulful eyes, with the a lack of coordination that never ceased to amaze us.

Your giant heart quickly captured ours.

You have the most gentle and kind nature, especially since you considered yourself a 100 lb lap dog. To know you, is to love you. I see the emotions of people around us now and know that you were loved by many.

I sit here numb, but the tears still pour down my face. My only solace is that we kept our promise to you from my first letter and promise to you.

My beautiful brave dog, you were my best friend. We saw you peak and fall too quickly and all in the same week. Your stoic nature would never allow a whine or a groan to escape, I think you knew it would break me. Your wonderful vet friends all tell me you never suffered a moments pain from this terrible disease. When we made the final walk into the vet, you still greeted all with tailwags and affection.

While I don’t believe you felt pain, you were very uncomfortable the last night we were together. You stood in the same place, and would not move even as I did. I’m so very sorry that you suffered even a moment of discomfort. I realize now with clarity from your Grandmother that you may have been afraid and uncertain. I am so thankful that she told you what to expect to try and ease your uncertainty.

We brought you home 5 days before and tried to give you, your perfect day, everyday. We tried to wine and dine you with concoctions I have watched you dream about for two years. Your dad took you on your favorite walks. We knew we did not have time to give you everything as you deserved, I wish we did.

After we visited with your original family, it seemed like you had seen everyone that you loved most in the world: as your grandparents, your brother and sister, favorite aunts and uncles & furry cousins came to visit, wrote encouraging words and sent all their love. You were now waiting for us, you knew it was time.

Please forgive me dear friend, as we made the decision that we could not stand to see you suffer. This shattered me, you never deserved an uncomfortable moment. We needed to grant you a peaceful exit, surrounded by those you love most. I will be forever grateful to your Grandmother, as she told you what I forgot to, she told you what to expect after. All the friends that were going to meet you, that you wouldn’t be alone. I told you you were loved, that we will see you again, that it would not hurt. She thought of you and told you what I forgot.

Please forgive me as I know you would not want to be the dog you were so shortly about to become. This was the hardest decision we’ve ever made in our lives. Please know that it was not an easy one to make.

All these books, websites and people tell me to write, so I shall. Because, dear Newton, I know you know all these emotions and thoughts, but you deserve to hear them. I’ll tell you my weird and deeply personal secret – I believe you were the daily food for my soul.

The separation and loss I feel cannot be computed into words. Even as I try, the sadness rips into my core. You were what my world revolved around. Your daily schedule was also mine. I’m at a loss on how to move forward. What to do next. You were our first true love together. Your dad and I love each other, but we’ve never loved something together so true.

I am truly thankful that your dad spoiled you as my back was turned, he let you enjoy the foods I was so desperate to keep away from you. He did what I was unwilling to do – he spoiled you with food. We both spoiled you with love. The house is so empty without you. Your favorite places are now vacant, I can’t even look at the backyard.

Anatole France once wrote, “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened”. I believe this accurately describes everything we are going through, and why.

Dearest friend, you’ve given us more then enough memories to last a lifetime and in only 2 short years. Yet you’ve done more then most people have done, you’ve changed your dad and I into better people. You’ve taught me life lessons that I think it’s only fair that I share with you.

So here you are.

Life Lessons from my best friend

1. It’s ok to stop and smell the roses every once and awhile, even the smelly ones.

2. Give hugs and smiles – often

3. Always tell the ones you love, you love them

4. The forever optimist you are – Look at the world with eyes wide open

5. Love big

6. Practice patience and be kind to others

7. Appreciate great food

8. Love the outdoors. Every time I walk our favorite trails, I will picture you happy beside us

9. Give everyone you meet a chance, they may surprise you

10. Don’t ever go to bed angry

These are things that I will take with me forever, as you have changed us into better people. It does not help the deep hole of loss that I feel as you left us for your better place. I know that I will need time. I thank you for absolutely everything, I appreciated you and loved you every day of your life. My day will not feel complete until I see you again and get my daily hug from you.Β  In case I never told you, those hugs were my favorite.

Please know that you will be forever remembered. I will miss you all the days of my life. Thank you so much for everything you have done. You’ve done what many others can only hope to do, you’ve left a legacy.

You loved all you met, big or small, furry or human. I promise to visit all your friends often, and spoil them with affection that I know you will send their way. Your dad and I will visit your favorite places, and remember you as we do so. I invite you to come with us as we do this, and any other time you like. In fact I look forward to it.

This letter doesn’t even begin to describe everything. Forgive me again as I cannot start to move forward until I say a tearful goodbye until the next time we meet. I picture you now like the photos below. Happy in your favorite places and fields full of wonderful adventures, a world full of cheeseburgers and bellyrubs. I selfishly ask you to wait for me, until I can meet you next. For you will be the most wonderful greeter that I can ever imagine. Go and enjoy your peace, as you so deserve it. Run in the fields and play with your furry friends.Β  Please visit me often in my dreams, as I will always welcome you with arms wide open.

Forever yours,

Mom

I will always picture you here.
I will always picture you here.

Newton newton 4 newton 3 Newton 2 newton 1

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47 thoughts on “Dear friend, I will see you again

    • Us too. He was an amazing best friend. Give all your furry pets a big hug for me and spoil them just a little πŸ™‚
      Thank you for your kind words. Only pet lovers and dog owners will truly understand.

      xx

  1. Newton,
    I cannot believe that you came to this family by chance. To be named “Newton” with a fur cousin already named “Figs”, it was destiny for you to be apart of our lives. I’m thankful that you made my bro/Alisha so happy in just the short time you were with us. Know that you will never be replaced in any of hearts. I will always remember you as the big loving, uncoordinated, tail wagging, and gentle dog you were.

    May you rest in peace (or roll in a giant dirt hole).

    Cliff

  2. It’s true that you truly don’t understand until you’ve been a dog parent… Not just a dog owner but truly a parent! But enough of the sap… You wanted memories!!
    1. How he managed to track down every single burr on the property and then prompty roll in them.
    2 how he could look at you with those big brown ees and go from scolding to melting
    3 how he would hunt high and low for any am all of Stella’s chewy toys; often coming in with a nose full of dirt after digging for one
    4 how he would chase figs and Stella for a few minutes hen plop down as if to say he won’t stoop so low as to CHASe another dog!
    5 how he won over everyone, big and small at our wedding! I only wish e had been free to roam at the reception- would have been hilarious!!!

    We didn’t get to spend as much time with Newton since we live far away but he was definitely meant I be part of the family ( I mean Figs and Newton??? That is too cool to be a coincidence!!) hope this at least made you smile πŸ™‚ take time to heal and know that his life had reason and meaning and I’m sure on the other side of rainbow bridge he had a mission that just needed to be completed!!
    Amanda

  3. Your beautiful words speak volumes about what a special boy Newton was. He taught you some wonderful lessons that many humans never learn, and I love this statement: “I believe you were the daily food for my soul.” I am so sorry that your time together was far too short.

    • Thank you Miss Harper Lee. I’m sorry that our time together was so short as well. He will always be remembered. Make sure to give your gorgeous pup a hug for me πŸ™‚

  4. I feel your pain Ally as if I was going throught it with you, already once with my little family pup and cant even imagine when it could happen, but cant help it, with my now 100lb lap dog, Kobe.
    Kobe will miss his playdates with Newty, two huge, uncoordinated, geese poop eatin, gentle giants πŸ™‚
    I still remember Newton’s first playdate with Kobe, he was sooooo small compared and was so intimidated but quickly warmed up to Kobe who at that time would still have been under a year old. Newton quickly caught up to Kobe in size!
    We were going through alot of the same things together with our fur babies, daycare, puppy training, walking stories from Kobe trying to eat toads or dead mice on our trail walks to Newton wreaking havoc on newly cemented sidewalks lol.
    We were new parents, first time dog owners without a clue! but always had/have each others back with doggie concerns and stories.
    I look forward to the day you can become a fur baby mom again as you should.
    Myself and Kobster will be there for the first playdate hopefully!

    I will always remember Newton, my friend, Kobe’s friend….a gentle giant and remember, now he’s running around free, no collars, no leashes….just free…. and he is and always will be with you, I truly believe that.

  5. I am crying reading this. I am sorry for your loss, the decision to put them to sleep is so hard! But, as you said, to keep them here for our own selfish reasons isnt right, specially if the pain would be just that: pain. It wouldnt be a process while they heal, it would bring nothing good.
    I am so sorry you are feeling like that, but, whenever you are ready, consider bringing another dog (or cat) into your life, not to replace your gentle giant, but to give another pet a cance to know love.

    • Thank you so much for your very kind words. We will most definitly always be dog and cat owners. For I think there are too many pets out there that need a great home. We’ll need time though, which I know you understand.

  6. I am so glad that you visited our blog so that I could find you…I am sorry, though, that it is under these circumstances. My heart aches for you and for the loss you’ve just begun to process. Please know that you have a friend in me and that I am eternally sorry that you’ve lost your boy so soon…though it doesn’t get easier as they get older for a dog’s life is always too short. Newton, like my Mya (and others), has shown us how to be better people…hold his memory close to you today and always…and cry when you need to…laugh when you need to…hold still, be quiet when you need to…and give love freely – with all your might – for that is what he still does as he awaits you at the Rainbow Bridge. Sending you a virtual hug for as long as you need it.

  7. Beautiful bitter sweet letter to your precious Newton. My heart breaks for you. What a wonderful friend you had in Newton and he in you. Thanks for visiting our blog. Hugs

  8. I am so sorry you lost your beautiful baby. I wondered when I saw your comment on my own post if that was what drew you to my page. Loss of our pets is so devastating. I totally get what you’re experiencing. It’s so hard to go forward when your life is so built around them…their eating, their sleeping, their play time. Everything in our house reminds me of my kitties. That line in your post about not going in the backyard yet…ack! I so get that!! Hang in there! And Merry Christmas!

  9. What a beautiful message… While I know that anything I write here wont be able to heal the pain you must be feeling right now, remembering all of the joy that you shared might help you survive it, at least it did for me.

    Please know that you did the kindest thing you could for Newton, not just in his end-of-life care but in all of the walks and beaches and cheeseburgers in-between, and that’s where it counts. By the looks of it Newton went everywhere with his mom and dad, which is exactly where all dogs want to be. πŸ™‚

    You know I bet he and my Maggie are playing together on a great expanse of beach, waiting for us to someday come home.

    Stay strong,

    ❀ Lauren

  10. Thank you so much for visiting my blog the other day when we tragically lost our little Leia. Your post has helped me so much, even with tears streaming down my face.

    • I’m so happy that it has. It’s a very difficult time, and all I can say is that I’m sorry for your loss. I understand.
      I found the book by Jon Katz called “Going Home” very helpful.

  11. I have tears spilling onto my iPad. Your letter to Newton was touching. Our pets are our family members and losing one is heart wrenching and numbing. We lost Mikey last year and your letter reminded me just how blessed we were to have had that fur-child in our lives. They make us better humans. My thoughts are with you.

  12. […] When he was unresponsive to treatment and confirmed he was without pain, we took him home and cooked him the foodie masterpieces he deserved and had dreamed about. I’ll never forget his face as he ate 4 cheeseburgers in one sitting and for dessert – gravy and mashed sweet potatoes. He was a happy boy, who loved all and left a giant hole in our hearts and many others. I was so lost in the 48 hrs after we said goodbye, that I couldn’t talk about it, so I turned to writing. The support from the pet and dog lover community poured in on my darkest days, and stemmed from one of my first posts – “Dear Friend, I will see you again“. […]

  13. I am grieved about your loss. I am so sorry. I have not know about your blog but I assume that your dog was young. It is difficult, I know. But ponly you know really feels your grief.

    I am now losing my most favorite cat.- not quite 14 years old. Dying frmn CA after 2 surgeries. She has lived longer than most with her kind of cancer according to the vet. I have tried to prepare for the day but evey day I cry. I wish that dogs and cats didn’t grab our hearts in the way that they do

    PS Thanks for subscribing to my blog. I will return the favor. .

  14. I came across your site from Miss Harper Lee. I read your letter to Newton and my heart is breaking and I write this with tears that just keep falling. I am so very sorry for your loss.
    My darling 14 y.o. cat Mollie is extremely sick at the moment, we are taking one day at a time right now, our Vet is doing his best.
    Thank you so very, very much, I have gained so much from reading your inspiring words – I hope when Mollie’s time comes, I can be strong.
    From reading your words, Newton had a beautiful soul, a warm heart and a caring quality which made him so very special.
    Locked safely within your heart, he will live forever.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    • Aww thank you for your kind words. Newton was I’m so sorry to hear about your cat Mollie. This is the most difficult part by far of being a pet owner.

      Be strong, enjoy and spoil her for the time you have left together. It’s obvious by the fact that you gave her a great life. What more can we ask for but that.

      I truly appreciate your wonderful words and thoughts. Newton was amazing, a true gentle giant that stole my heart.

  15. What a beautiful tribute to Newton. I am still crying. I just went through the same experience with my beloved Marcos. I was blessed to have him nearly 5 1/2 years, and in that time he became such a part of me. I’ve always had cats, and love them dearly but I never realized how different the bond with a dog is.
    Marcos also went downhill rather quickly. The vet says he had a brain tumor which left him with canine dementia. It was hard to come to the decision to spare him his indignity. It would have been easier had he given any indication of pain.
    But now, he and Newton are romping through the fields in all their splendid canine glory,

    • Thanks for the kind words. I know they will get along fabulously.

      I’m very sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to loose them so young, and suddenly.

      All we can do is give them a great life when we have them, and it sounds like your Marcos had a great life.

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